souls of san francisco

souls of san francisco

the souls of Ginsberg, Kerouac, and Garcia
can be felt
standing at the corner
of Haight and Ashbury…

cars move by
seemingly motionless…

mid-morning grey clouds
shroud the reality
of transgressors on market street
raping us in some way,
whether or not we realize it,
or believe it…

and the people,
all the f-ing people,
walked by exerting
no emotion for today’s toils…

tribulations relegated to triteness
while legs extending from some roof
overstate the litter-ridden avenue
here…

my god, here
the establishment kills us
as much as we perpetuate
its existence through rebellion…

here, as much as any place else,
but more so here
because the hippies have succumbed
to the bmw dealers,
and the artist sells their soul
for some gold…

critics comment on trivialities
of perceptive cognizance…

a godless interpretation of the arts,
of the crossroads,
with senseless machinations
of right brain,
left brain
dichotomies of existence…

neither one of us understands
our perceived enemies
and none of us understands
our perceived lovers…

the dichotomy
of the conservative and the liberal,
the rich and the poor,
and you and i…
yes, you and i…
we are one in soul…

and we are separate…

a thunderous roar of silence

a thunderous roar of silence

tonight,
a sunset illuminated the cloud-laden sky;
as thunder rumbled in the distance,
generating illusions of grandeur.

the soul yearns for another place and time,
as birds dance amongst the clouds with purpose.

the here is nothing but a bad reality.

time is the cruel master of our existence,
yet we fear death,
all the while,
anticipating its inevitability.

but, we continue to argue over triteness,
fixating our being on today’s irrationalities
so the powerful can seek out the humble
in a sadistic ritual of dehumanization.

spring turns into fall;
and sometimes there is no time left
for the middle aged
to seek their dreams.

yet at the end,
at the end of our time,
our dreams, passions, and actions
are all we own.

our secular possessions are divided
amongst the living,
our souls placed in the hands
of the spiritual,
and our memory is locked into the evermore
of infinity.

the elders know this,
the middle aged are learning this,
and the youth have no f-cking concept.

the wind breathes silence.

we know not where we’re going;
nor where we have been…

silence
silence
silence
silence

my head is filled with the thunderous roar of silence.
it is both deafening and maddening.

EjG

Mistress

May the strength of three be in your journey.
Irish Toast

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Mistress

Sweet mistress
of my secular desire;
the black sarcophagus
envelopes your soul.
Your dreams
of narcoleptic madness
intercede
the complexities
of sensuality;
placidness returns
to my soul.
And yet
we still cry
amongst our demons,
angels,
and desires;
there is no sweet silence
to our end,
as trees whisper
their poetry
within the vernal winds,
filling the chasm
of winter’s silence,
as the everlasting silence,
encompasses the void
of an erotic soul,
throughout the evermore.
The unforgiven
curse infinity.
Time becomes
a redundancy of existence.
Dance, my mistress, dance…I taste your sensualities
Dance, my mistress, dance…I taste your sensualities
Dance, my mistress, dance…I taste your sensualities
Time is finite,
Heaven is theoretical,
And desire
is nothing more
than a wanton machination
of flesh
At some future point in time
yet to been defined…

EjG

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And the Scribe said to Solomon, “What is your interpretation of this?”
To which Solomon replied, “The literal is misleading, the philosophical is deceiving, and the mythological is ideological.”
“Who’s your mistress, Solomon?”
“Hope,” said Solomon, looking at the sunset. “And yours?”
“Desire,” the Scribe said, reflectively. “Desire.”
Icarus said nothing.

The world was once flat…

The world was once flat…

Within infinity we find
the limitlessness of time.
My angel breathes my life
through another day in the time of man,
of which the trees,
still barren from winter,
encapsulate the moon, stars, and sun.
And so we search for God;
the sunset and sunrise offer no answers to the soul
while the iniquities of our souls
hold us hostage to our beliefs,
and the road takes us no where,
but where we need to go.

EjG
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This past lent I decided to take the Lenten tenets of the Catholic Church (“the Church”) to the fullest extent, and then some. I gave up all hard drink, no meat on Fridays, fasted on the high holy days, read the Bible cover-to-cover, and attended the Triduum (Mass on Holy Thursday, Good Friday, Easter Vigil and Easter Sunday; the three holy days when examined from a time period that looks at sun up to sun down).

It was a spiritual experience in search of meaning of the soul, not the Church, and an examination of the crossroad between the divine and the secular. And, most of all, I am glad I did what I did for this was about personal spiritual understanding and cleansing.

I am not in good standing with the Church because of my divorce. It cannot be more blatant and simple than that. So, let this color and jade my opinion.

Though the only acceptable reason for divorce listed in the Bible is for infidelity, it does not matter to the Church that she left after dating other men while married to me. In the Church’s eyes I still need atonement through annulment for this sin (a concept I vehemently disagree, and one they will charge for the privilege of conducting).

My two youngest children have not been baptized due to my situation (divorce, atheistic/agnostic spouse, re-married outside of the church). As it is stated, children suffer for the sins of their fathers. It matters not to the Church my quest for spiritual understanding and redemption; along with my attendance and observances. I’m a black sheep due to my ex-wife’s infidelity. It’s that simple.

However, my personal beliefs stem outside of the mainstream beliefs of the Catholic religion, obviously, and outside of Christianity, in many aspects. I look at Muslim, Judaism, and Christianity as intersections of religious philosophy, not as separate gods, demons, or canons.

Though I have not made the connection, there is probably connections with Eastern religions, as well. The Gnostic Gospels may fall into this realm, but will discuss later when I have read them. Initial text my eyes have viewed suggest they will follow this premise.

Why my beliefs? Though classic theology may poke holes into my ramblings, here is what I think based on my readings of the Bible, selected philosophical texts, limited review of the Koran, initial readings on the Gospels of Judas and Thomas, and various texts on religious interpretation (from the apocalypse to man’s religion and beliefs).

There is one deity, whatever you call the one deity (God, Lord, Yahweh, Allah, etc.), there is only one. Just like how we call Santa Claus by the names of St. Nick and Father Christmas. Same entity, different name. For the purpose of this essay, I’ll refer to deity as God, not as a superior reference to other deity names, but as a source of familiarity.

The religious texts, whether it is the Bible, Koran, Torah, or other texts, is written by man as an interpretation of divine experience. Man has an agenda, or at least a limited understanding and remembrance of experiences. So, to negate one’s beliefs over another to justify existence and superiority is an exercise in ignorance. Especially as similarities are found; though differences abound. The Crusades are no more justified than are the Middle East struggles today.

We cannot fully know and understand the vastness of God, nor can one person understand the vastness of science. Looking solely at the Bible, there are contradictions and interpretations; which become even more vast when comparisons are made between the Old and New Testaments. There is hope, despair, hate, and love within the text.

How can any one of us pretend to hold the ultimate knowledge of God, heaven, and infinity? Examining the field of science, scientists reference other’s research work that form the foundation of their own theories; as do philosophers. If this is the case, then why can’t religious leaders do the same?

Furthermore, the existence of the Bible, as we know it today, has gone through translations and iterations of Rulers and Kings (I’m willing to bet the Koran has, as well). To not continue the study based on one interpretation or religion (Judaism, Muslim, or Christianity) is like accepting that when a tree that falls in the wood with no one around it does not make a sound. Examine and study the alternative beliefs.

My father and I debated, quite briefly, my reading the Bible in 46 days (40 days of Lent; plus the six Sundays within the Lenten timeframe that do not count as Lent in the Church), whereas he is reading about two pages per day; and my look at the Gospel of Judas and the Gospel of Thomas (not to mention that I read The Da Vinci Code and wonder what a search on the “true” aspects of the story will reveal later). He is concerned at my haste with Biblical reading and my focus beyond the accepted text of the mainstream Church.

He is also troubled that two of my children are not baptized, and my questioning of the Church and religion. Questioning, not disbelief; there is a strong distinction. He is uncomfortable and unsupportive of my endeavors and quests.

I’m at a crossroad. I want my other two children baptized, but face being further ostracized through imminent, upcoming discussions of belief with the priest. But, I also want support, and to support, a religion with similar ideologies. I have thought of leaving to Lutheran or Methodist (a real and viable potential). Not to alleviate perceived and real transgressions, but to find a support of beliefs.

The more I read, the more I question. Knowledge is both good and dangerous; but it is a systemic element of change and revolution.

As I continue to study I may change my views above. But then again, we see what want to see, don’t we? I’m a man, most likely with an agenda (though I strive for impartiality), and I question the mainstream.

We have to question and debate the authoritative view. After all, the world once was flat.

EjG

If

If

If we lose our sense of being
will the gods remind us of our insignificance?
If we lose our thoughts
will the gods remind us of our iniquities?
If we lose our love
will the gods remind us of our passions?
If we lose our words
Will the gods remind us of our thoughts?
And if we dance
in the midst of moonlight
to experience our silence
will we discover our sense of being,
thoughts,
and passions?

EjG

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Yesterday I was reminded of my silence. And so today, for the first time in many days, I stared out my front window. I noticed the woods across the street. Looking through the trees, the sun became apparent as it reflected off the snow amongst the birch, maples and pines. I had not felt this feeling of simplicity and renewal since I stood amongst the graves and the snow at the time of the winter solstice. My soul continues to search for its purpose. Thanks for pushing me beyond my silence through the reminder…