A Shift in Direction...

Though I will still publish my post titled Inside a Chaotic Mind, which is almost complete, but it became more challenging to write than I realized, I want to change the direction of this blog in a slightly, very slightly, different way.

A crossroads between three rivers. Midland, Michigan 2013.

I tried to resurrect a former blog of mine last week, titled A New Utopia, only to discover the blog spot was still available, but the domain name has not been available for years.

My mistake.

Not gonna resurrect it. At least not directly. Need uniqueness.

Despair and frustration set in.

But, only for a moment.

I decided to combine my approach from A New Utopia into my approach for Crossroads at Sunrise. 

A New Utopia was originally based on technology and digital approaches, along with trying to get discussion on new thinking.

This is what Crossroads at Sunrise was originally about, too, minus the tech...along with poetry and photography. Discovering new approaches and ridding me of the normality we succumb to, often called life. I need to discover more...which comes through thought and writing for me.

My belief is to share ideas and approaches. Collaboration will enable humanity to survive. Though I'm not sure if most can realize how this can be done effectively these days. Discourse and understanding of different views seems to be lost on our generations.

Ok then, from now on (at least in the foreseeable future), I'm going to use this blog as a forum to analyze a chaotic mind, seeking out people with similar issues and interest, while also searching for new ideas and discoveries. However, I will also be posting thoughts on how I think we should disrupt things like environmental issues, the government, social outreach, philanthropy and business.

Yes, these ideas all fly through this chaotic mind of mine daily, if not hourly or by the minute. I want to bring back positive discourse so our society can come to understand the difference between good thoughts and wasted efforts. Let's look for the greater good.

This has always been a goal/passion of mine, but today it became more passionate when I took almost two hours and listened to a panel on whether or not entrepreneurs are over regulated and no longer innovative, sponsored by Virgin.

Yes, the video takes two hours, but well worth the listen, even with the periodic audio issues.

Anyway...expect more from me now. And challenge my ideas. I gotta find a breakthrough to change humanity...or, at least, to understand and harness my brain for some greater good.

So, in taking a personal risk, I share what is considered shameful and confidential (yet, shouldn't be):

I'm getting tested for ADHD this week. It's a start. Which may provide that harness and understanding for me...though I have been crystal clear to the psychologists/nurses/doctors that I will not jeopardize my creativity, even to save my sanity and health, it's too critical to my being. No matter the toll nor cost. But, I'm also dealing with, and being treated for, social and performance anxiety due to bad body/brain chemistry. Oh God, this sucks! And yet no one truly understands, even those closest to me. No one!! Yet, today I can no longer do a presentation, be in a crowd, deal with contention, stand in a line, meet with friends, be at a party, or do an impromptu meeting with leadership without shaking, sweating and losing my words and thoughts from the fear of the situation. It sucks. Truly. Especially when logic dictates otherwise. I feel my competence is measured by this and not by my knowledge and performance....knowledge and performance always take second fiddle to perception. No now one will understand my plight, so this is a solo fight and endeavor....

There should be no shame in this, none, which is why I publicize it here. Our society needs to understand this is real issue/condition and not made up.

It just f*cking happens.

I'd like to think I'm proof this is not an excuse, as I continue to push on no matter what. I've been successful despite my issues. But, I know there is doubt on my reality, which is why I raise it here. Why else would I raise it? There are only downsides in my perceptions...no upside. This fuels my drive even more.

And yet, those of us with this issue continue to just search for answers to explain our differences in order to come to some understanding on why, as well as a way to approach this madness. I also lay this out to show you this is not just words, but a soul dealing with some hefty issues. Ironically, these issues also intrigue me to research, explain and discover, which I do daily.

Ok, so there it is. I have laid it out. Plainly. Honestly. Nothing held back.

I have one messed up, creative, neurotic, over sensitive, over stimulated, and yet an inquisitive brain looking for understanding. I love and hate it, all at the same time. There is only one relief from all of this...death...and I'm not willing to go even close to this reality. So, this makes me search for some truth and thought, reality can be elusive...

Ready for a journey into madness, fear, anxiousness, discovery and understanding?

Me too....stay tuned.

Let's go!

EjG

(P.S. Share your ideas, I will respond.)